Twisting – between deconstruct and reconstruct

“In order to be myself, first I had to destroy what I was telling myself I had to become.” 

There are always at least four corners to a room, two sides of a story, three dimensional perspectives, but from where we are standing, we can only see part of it. It takes courage, an open mind and an open heart to receive the possibilities, that maybe – just maybe, other stories, sides, or perspectives exist. Maybe, if we have a little courage to twist ourselves, our view, there will be another way of seeing. From where we are standing, with our limited vision, there is always something hidden, whether we realise it or not. Hence it is necessary that once in a while, we reset our perspective. Turn around and look towards our blind spot. Whether it is ‘in line’ with whatever side, story, or perspective we currently hold, is another matter.

Bogor life, July 2015

We are often so fixated on clinging to our story, side or perspective as the only one there is. The righteous one. By doing so, not only we miss the oportunity to broaden our horizons, but we also compress our heart into a small compact space enclosed by walls. The beauty of being human is our ability to use imagination and to enjoy a free will. So why don’t we let ourselves imagine beyond our imagination? Once we stop using our imagination, stop questioning, stop looking beyond the horizon – we stop growing.

At one point in my life I thought there was only one way to believe, the way my ancestors believed. No questions needed asking, no questions were even allowed to be asked. I thought that was the only way, and that everyone lived like that. One good friend once asked me some probing questions which I hadn’t dared formulate, let alone ask myself. But her questions echoed in my mind for a long time, bouncing back with more and more questions. Then I started seeing different points of view, and the wall I so studiously built around my life expereiences started coming apart. In the end it completely collapsed. My friend’s questions made me question myself – was my way really the Kebun Raya yoga shootonly way, the only possibility? The denials I had gone through soon after, the anger of partying with something I had held so dear for so long, and which evidently no longer served me… Knowledge is akin to sand – it is impossible to hold on to. I remember my bitterness, looking out from beyond my crumbling walls, distorted corners. A new exciting possibility to explore, which had been there all along, but blinded as I was by the wall of my own making I could not see it before. So I stepped out, I searched, I investigated. Since then, I have not stopped; since then I am always coming out my comfort zone, constructing new perspectives, knowing that one day I might deconstruct them and reconstruct something else altogether.

There is so much we still don’t know, and sometimes we may not want to, but by expanding our ability to see in a different way, we might find something new, something which may not necessarily be in line with our current thinking. This new perspective will scare us, threaten our previous beliefs, shake our very foundation, make us indignant, uncomfortable, angry, offended… But don’t be in a rush to reject it. Explore the possibilities. See it in different way. Wring out your mind. Open your heart. Listen carefully, see beyond the obvious, let it rest in your heart, let the echo bounce back. Does anything resonate with you? If the answer is yes, even in the slightest degree, isn’t the idea worth investigating further before we get fixated again on one option?  There is nothing certain in life, except birth and death, so why do we assign certainty to something that plainly isn’t so?

Once we can see beyond our fixated view and realise that a new outlook might demolish our current beliefs, don’t give up on questioning it, investigating it.

Bogor life June 2015The learning curve has just begun. Keep exploring the possibilities, the extremities. You might experience confusion, anger, agitation, disbelief – but the journey of our human knowledge always goes through phases which might be described as ‘thesis – antithesis – synthesis’, in other words chaos and order. So stay with it, keep moving forward and keep your mind and heart open – there is no other way to keep learning than by deconstructing and reconstructions our knowledge. As life should be, a constant learning curve. After all, that is what has made us able to progress this far in this Earth, the constant of constructing – deconstructing – reconstructing. To find a new truth, first we have to be ready to question the old truth.

The theme of this month will be twisting, observing and questioning our perspective and ability to see in different way. Hopefully, we will then be able to reconstruct our views.

Holiday with the Thoms, July 2015


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